Some reasons to breed mastiffs:

[Yme2]

Some reasons to breed mastiffs:

I love hair in my coffee.
Thought the furniture looked too nice.
Garden and backyard needed renovations, and didn't want to pay a
gardener.
Neighbors didn't complain enough.
Kids weren't enough of a challenge.
I love the sound of snoring, and the smell of gas!
I like having drool on my TV-set and everywhere else in the house.

How mastiffs are better than men:

Mastiffs don't have problems expressing affection in public.
Mastiffs miss you when you're gone.
Mastiffs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
Mastiffs admit when they're jealous.
Mastiffs are easy to buy for.
You can train mastiffs.
Mastiffs understand what "NO!" means.
Mastiffs mean it when they kiss you.

How mastiffs are better than women:

A mastiff's parents will never visit you.
A mastiff loves when you leave your clothes on the floor.
A mastiff limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
A mastiff never expects you to telephone.
A mastiff will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
A mastiff doesn't care about the previous dogs in your life.
A mastiff never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
The later you are, the happier a mastiff is to see you.

How mastiffs and men are the same:

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
Neither understand what you see in cats.
Neither does any dishes.

Mastiff Dictionary:

Bath- Process by which the humans drench the floor, walls, and
themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
Deafness- This is a malady which affects mastiffs when their
mistress/master want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the mistress/master, and then running in the opposite direction or lying down.
Drool- What you do when your mistress/master has food and you don't.
To do this  properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool hit the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
Lean- Every good mastiffs response to the command "sit!"especially if
your mistress/master is dressed for an evening out.
Leash- A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your
mistress/master where you want him/her to go.
Sofas- Are to mastiffs like napkins are to people. After eating it's polite to
run up and down the front  of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

Mastiffs property laws:

If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If it's in your mouth, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If I saw if first, it's mine.
If it's broken, it's yours.

You know you're a mastiff owner when:

The sound of running water makes you jump and yell "OUTSIDE!"
It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vet.
You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no
idea who these people are.
Your dog can hide an entire tennis ball (among other things) fully inside his
lips and give you that innocent look that says, "What? I'm not eating anything!"
You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle.
You keep at least one drool towel in every room of your house.
You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing
you to make random right turns.
You avoid the dogs on your way out the door so they won't smear your
makeup.
You've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that
thing?"
The donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get home,
and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose.
Your dog can see what you're cooking, and he tries to assist you in the
preparation.
Your holding your dog straddled between your legs when the doorbell
rings, and you then take a short (but fast!) ride straight to the door.
The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk.
You purchase a large screen TV and still can't see the picture when he
stands in front of the television.
You can't get in your own front door after going food shopping.
You can look out your window across 50 acres and spot the dog poo piles.

A mastiffs New Year resolutions:

I will not throw up in the car.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, or my people will
think I'm hemorrhaging.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's
license and registration.

Why it's great to be a mastiff:

If it itches you can reach it, and no matter where it itches no one will be
offended if you scratch in public.
Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.
No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think
you're cute.
It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the
same people. All they have to do is leave the room for 5 minutes and come back.
If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.

[Erica]

I found this but I had to have mom post it because I am so computer stupid! Hope you enjoy it like we did. You would be suprised how true most of this is...lol

[LadyTalisman]

That was brilliant

Thanks for sharing